My Adonis Fail & Guilty Pleasures

This is a personal update about my Adonis physique transformation status which has already been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done (and I’m not done yet). (I’m still ON the path fyi).

For the past decade I started weight training and am now closer than ever to achieving universalized Adonis (ok I ‘WAS’ close to it). This is important to me not for superficial or vanity reasons but for embodying all of my truth in all dimensions.

Remember when I did that post on the ‘precipice’ of breakthrough?

Well; I never broke through.

Despite trying different things, I was still plateaued for weeks doing around 15,000 steps equivalent of LISS cardio per day. I figure my ‘best’ yet was around 12.5% body fat…thus; feeling disheartened, I knew I was at further risk.

I have failed. I started slipping.

I knew I was going to go on a pre-planned family immersion wedding vacation in my home state of Wisconsin and I was weaker. I knew it.

The extreme discipline I had started loosening up 1/2 week before the flight knowing that I was going into it.

It started with a guilty pleasure of buying a whipped cream and then a few nights pre-flight, making some olive oil popcorn.

Although I was still training, I did less cardio. I was falling slowly but said ‘fuck it’. I bought a bag of corn nuts after eye-balling it and secretly planning on it for 2 months for the flight up north. This one however I did not open until the flight itself. I did bring some rice cakes but also bought some vegan (I’m not vegan) protein bars. For at least half year I’ve been salivating for Clif bars and all kinds of potential goodies. My whole theme is that I’m a foodie at heart and soul and not everyone can really understand that.

I’d regularly watch food porn videos (and save screen shots) to live vicariously through others b/c of my caloric deficit and craving food (and the indulgence that is GOOD for the soul not just ‘junk eating’…ironically which includes junk eating but I desire to ENJOY life). I’m really kinda Bacchanalian which has made all of the fat loss journey and physique transformation even more challenging.

I look decent here but I’m not there yet;

Anyways; I told myself…ok, I’m going to take ‘something’ of a diet break and knew I shouldn’t go ‘all out’ with whatever I desired or I’d fall too far off the tracks.

After the pre-flight drama of taking cyclospora* with me (and SOMEHOW managing throughout an entire week)…I arrived at my half-sisters from ORD airport, we did Chipotle take-away.

Yes; Chipotle b/c I thought I was good b/c I had been taking carbon, some medicine and pepto-bismol and pepto-like tablets…don’t worry, I still managed everything (including for the 8 HOURS of driving up to the wedding) and I like to take showers after.

TMI? Maybe.

(Just part of being human that we’ve all dealt with but it lasted across a full week and Cyclospora is the only thing that made sense…probably from some lettuce I had mixed with MCT oil).

*((Maybe it was karmic retribution for jokingly adding ‘explosive d**rhea’ into the ‘Gold Rush Ascension Book‘ (I’m usually the first to snicker at such things))

Back on point, I chose not to even glance at calories or fat macros the entire time.

At my sisters when we were talking after dinner (where I re-heated the burrito and chips), I guilty asked; “Do you have ice cream?” And sure enough; 2 flavors.

They always wash their spoons and forks putting them in the dishwasher so I knew it would be me as guilty or they would have suspicious minds towards each other.

So after my sister went upstairs and I went downstairs to the blow-up bed in their Chicago suburb townhouse; I snuck back up to the freezer with most lights out, got a clean fork (spoons all in dishwasher) and guiltily snuck a big forkful of ROCKY ROAD ice cream (with the integrity not to ‘double-dip’) and then put the fork in the sink. We ate some together and I went back for more.

It was a form of heaven on earth…with the satisfying gratitude to experience SOME of so much of what I was missing.

The next day; I had a big bowl of Cinnamon Life with a banana with a protein and nakd bar for breakfast; OH and regular Peanut Butter on something like Ezekiel bread toasted PLUS some butter on it. Borrowing her husband’s bike and going to Jewel-Ostco, I bought 6 Clif bars, dates, pasta, pre-cooked lime chicken, hint of Lime Tostitos and we drove up north with all kinds of Canadian smoke/smog filling the air.

Not everyone may understand this; I’m ENVIOUS of people who just eat ‘whatever’. IT’S SUCH A SACRIFICE when you’re a foodie NOT to be able to eat what NOURISHES YOU on a deeper level. I don’t have the mindset that it’s just ‘junk food’. All these possible desserts? I WANT A TASTE OF IT but couldn’t have it.

I mean; what sense does it make to live in Mexico and NOT have Mexican food? THAT’S ME. And my commitment to my transformation. It’s madness.

But it’s just getting started. After driving up to Central WI we did a Wal-Mart (with grocery store) run at my hometown.

I was OVERWHELMED by all the food choices and variety. He went to get takeaway Mexican food giving us more time to shop and I took my time.

So yes, I was going up north for my niece’s wedding and family re-immersion after almost 2 years of being away. Her wedding was the last time I was up north and now they had a 1 year old daughter who went with us.

Here’s some of what I bought as well as other foods I had during the rest of the trip:

*6 Clif bars

*5 Protein bars I brought up

*4 nakd fruit bars “

*1 tall box of Lucky Charms

*A personal can (large) of Reddi Whip whipped cream

*Fage brand low-fat Greek yogurt (2%)

*Some fairly healthy pre-cooked Wal-mart gourmet (oxymoron?) meals I could re-heat (x2)

*Father’s Cheese Pizza (outdoor oven) ~4 slices

*Watermelon x 3 slices

(Father’s pond-lake)

*Wheat Thins

*Triscuits

*Salad with almond +cranberries (hey; some of it was healthy full out)

*Corn Nuts

*Corn Nuts Chile Picante w/Lime (even bigger bag)

*1 set of blueberries

I’d add whip cream to the bars.

Then I saw a King-size Pearson’s Nut Roll at an Osseo rest/gas stop while we switched and I became the driver. I could FEEL the sugars and my body wasn’t as used to it as an after-effect, but I wanted to keep maximizing my ‘diet break’ in a sense so stuck to around 2 bars per day.

And the wedding itself…yeah..it was about 8 hours of round trip and I drove most of the way which allowed them care time with the 1 year old in the back.

It was at a waterfall in Northern Wisconsin.

We had a picnic afterwards of turkey sandwiches with spicy mustard and wheat bread.

I felt guilty when I had the ‘cheat’ foods but wasn’t going FULL DERAILMENT; I was still ‘thin per se’ but knew I was getting pudgier with a self-guilt of sorts.

But I did notice a difference in how others responded; people were complimenting how thin I was up north. My brother chooses to eat whatever and I’m envious of that, but I was much thinner. I used to be heavier but cannot live like anymore.

We each have the power of choice. At least the IDEA of Dwayne Johnson’s cheat meals gives me some hope.

Anyways;

The wedding itself had a nihilistic and disastrous reverend, but that’s another story. I was horrified and had never seen anything like it but later found out it was an older brother of the groom.

Anyways…we drove back and apparently avoided a tornado my brother was West of b/c they went into Superior.

The next day at the wedding reception closer to family homes?

A pot luck style layout.

OF COURSE I was the first one to open up the eating that was so aptly spread on the long side tables before us.

GREASY POTATO CHIPS ‘N FRENCH ONION DIP. OMG wow…I kept going back for more. Haven’t had that in like 2 decades and LOVE the taste. 6 servings of the cool whip based fruit salad (in place of wedding cake for them I guess). 2 hot dogs, caramel apple..stuff like that. All while talking with family although MOST of the people there were his side of the family so I didn’t know most of them.

Then from my dad’s cabin on his property, I moved my things as my mom and step-dad drove me back, we stopped there and went to my other hometown. There I had more cereal, a micro-candy bar or 2 (set up in a Trick-or-treat basket they now keep year round for guests), triscuits with cheese, salami, hummus and then ICE CREAM…double vanilla and another flavor with whipped cream of course. I’m writing this now that I’m back and on a 24 hour fast (after doing training and 18k steps day cardio average for half week).

And for breakfast?

She made BACON (yep; I’m in)…3 eggs and wait for it….PEANUT BUTTER; the jar was hidden the previous night. I added jelly and butter on 3 different quality pieces of toast that she prepared. More dry snack stuff before my sister and hubby came to pick me up for the drive down to Chicago.

I bought a cranberry turkey sandwich again but was kinda wanting Taco Bell. I brought some small bags of chips (3 varieties like Doritos) and about 6-7 micro candy bars (of which I gave my sister 2).

When we arrived at my Hotwire shuttle loop hotel (Hampton Inn ORD); there was a Taco Bell across the street so I decided to get more full and got 2 burritos and 2 tacos. I DID HOWEVER take a walk to the river in my hometown after arriving with mom and then solo the following day with a sunny but hazy sky so I got 10,000 steps equivalent in when you include the after meal cardio I did at the hotel.

Oh and the included, complimentary pre-gourmet BREAKFAST. I set my alarm early to have enough time to finish things up before catching the airport shuttle and good thing; it took time to PREP it all.

This was a GREAT real breakfast; Large waffle w/peanut butter, syrup, butter, whipped cream, cranberries, Raisin Bran/Froot Loops mix w/milk, biscuit ‘n gravy, toasted bread for cream cheese…wow, was that guiltily enjoyable. Part of my soul felt recognized and appreciated even though unfortunately I would have to pay a price (ugh) with more fattiness (WHY does it have to be this way?!).

How can we LIVE without AMAZING FOOD?

Anyways; it’s extra challenging b/c I’m a true foodie and it’s all even more highlighted being on such a disciplinary caloric deficit. Bye bye whip cream (for who knows how long) 🙁 AT LEAST I have a few Greek yogurts with blueberries and protein powder I blend in b/c without that; I honestly am not sure I could do it.

A year ago I swore of even Greek yogurt b/c of how extreme I was for extreme minimal fat calories and then when I hit initial Adonis and switched to gains (I don’t know if I wrote about this anywhere) but I had a transfiguration and revelation with my first big meal. I was literally getting very emotional and realize how blessed food was. Those first 2 weeks I was THRILLED I got to make another rich protein shake with peanut butter and ooh ooh ooh, etc.

Anyways; it’s been a journey. People have been complimenting me too and noticing INCLUDING strangers about my physique and how thin. (Even though I’m not quite there yet!).

I mean; I’ve been through blood, sweat and tears (as well as YEARS of entropy) not to mention doing it all with vertigo for this transformation. It’s an incredible mindfuck b/c remember; I took the longest path possible by NOT getting thin earlier so I never really saw what I had and was around 17-25% MOST of the decade.

Anyways; the breakfast worked out…went back to shower (again) and decided I’d catch the next shuttle bus but it was just finishing up loading so went to United @ ORD and everything worked out fine. The water fountain water was about THE nastiest I’d ever tasted however there. Watched ‘Michael’ and ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ 2 on the way up and the ‘AI Docu’ on the way down while dozing off to ‘Hail Mary’.

Caught the bus and once I was back home at my condo rental in Tulum, smudging and re-activating the kitchen, etc. I wanted to finish the snax I had (enjoying a Clif bar on the flight and then another on the bus) so I mostly finished it off with another mini Reese’s peanut butter cup in yogurt with whipped cream. There was a micro Snickers that I almost threw out (it was just too much) but kept it to exercise discipline as well as the rest of the bag of Lime Corn Nuts.

Why did I write all this?

Because I’m real and human and I fail too. Sometimes along a path of dedication, there is going to be SO MUCH that can de-rail you but you can still re-commit.

Writing this gets you to know a different side of me; a more personalized side.

I LOVE FOOD and eating….esp. from a year ago it became a religious experience. Sure sometimes I’ll take food for granted a bit more but LOVE and enjoy eating and the next meal and still will MISS all of the goodies that I’m disciplined enough NOT to let myself have…I have to AT LEAST LOCK IN ADONIS. This is a special phase and then in the future I plan on ENJOYING things more when I have more maintenance mastery somehow. (I’m even thinking of just moving to Las Vegas b/c it’s a real food capital for my 80’s…anyways).

This has been a HELLUVA ride on my journey to Adonis and it’s in the big little things that make it all so REAL. So I don’t know if you can relate with any of it.

But I’m now RE-COMMITTED and very disciplined with everything DIALED IN. There’s the concept of the PSMF diet which I haven’t tried yet. Now; I just have to get back to where I left off at my lowest fat best before I started slipping and I hope (jinx-proof) that it doesn’t take MORE than a week…and then I’m headed to 10.9% body fat from there SOMEHOW. It will be done.

I mean; isn’t it INHUMAN not to be able to have CHOCOLATE?

THE DEFAULT they say is 30% body fat and less than 1% of adults are less than 12% body fat. Wow.

There is a price to pay. Many are not willing to pay the price including for delayed gratification. But this is SO connected to my health, wellness and longevity as well ; LITERALLY and so many just kinda give up on that and pay a different price.

As the physical body gets older, it’s like it takes MORE WORK just to be thin; HOWEVER, you do really stand out because it’s not just the aesthetic, it’s that people KNOW how challenging it is psychologically and otherwise to do such a feat.

Now…it’s continuing on with the disciplined power habits and staying on point and then breaking through NO MATTER WHAT to 10.9% body fat where there is MORE exponential ROI on the hell that I’ve been through – in all the ways and all dimensions.

So yes; I’m all about physique transformation for myself AS the world’s premiere charisma consultant AND I’m all about charisma as well; it’s the alchemy of both that represents your Light and transmission-visible communication.

Another thing I’ll mention is that (especially with being a Human Design projector), I forget WHO I AM when I’m in Wisconsin, but I know that going in…I remain disembodied playing a different character role that fits with family and their expectations of me (b/c my true self isn’t actually welcome in that space). It also has to do with the environment (which doesn’t support my full soul truth expression and power).

This ends up wearing me down so I can only spend a limited immersion amount of time soaking in their reality and listening to them and communicating on that (more honestly superficial level) and I just have to have a process to RE-EMBODY my true self and get my power and magic back online (yet to do one of the 2 POWER sessions of the week so far being returned).

And yes; all AS the pre-eminent ‘black sheep’ of my family. I love them as family, but really…we’re so different in MANY ways and I chose this path.

And as I was taking that solo walk to the river (losing sense of who I really am with it somewhere deep inside and the thought of Beloved only being a fleeting thing I couldn’t access the entire trip); I was also contemplating – what would really grow – just HOW MUCH my soul would die into complacency and quiet resignation if I had stayed in my hometown and not DARED to chase my wildest dreams…losing all spark and knowing that I’d given up on my dreams (I’m speaking for myself here).

Because really; even now…me biking around Tulum so often to the gym and back it seems like me being ‘The Beauty Sorcerer’ and representing the front EDGE of Beauty ascension itself sometimes seems so far apart. I’ll ask; “are you sure this is the evolution of Beauty? Because it often doesn’t look like it”.

(Oh; don’t get it twisted with my mundane life; the MAGIC is very, very real itself. But you already probably know that if you’re here.)

It’s like;

I’ve got arugula salad in the front bike basket with a Greek yogurt in the mid-day sun and low energy; where are all the beauty magazine covers and celebrity clients, red carpet work and studio lighting with perfume ads?

They are here in Spirit truth. I’m living on faith and taking that ‘gold rush’ ascension risk. Then I only have to remember all the work that I’ve already built up and prepared with the Allure Codex and that Allure Priestess WILL start soon enough; but I have to trust the timing…I cannot say when but even Muse Priestess took a few years from idea inception to manifest.

This is an especially brutal path of Divine Union and ascension service, but I know it’s all worth it.

And sometimes (even though business and Beauty doesn’t stop) it’s important to take some off time to re-balance and be with family.

My preparation with such a foundation for Beauty Ascension has just taken FAR longer than most, but I’m ready for ridiculous overnight success. The (5/1) foundation and servicing IS proven as I cover in the ‘Gold Rush Ascension Code’.

Actually I’ve got about a trillion dollars worth of integrating to do with Sorcerer as a market revolutionary. The archetypes are powerful and this one especially so.

It’s good to be back to my world.

I’ve done several client activations since I’ve returned and it keeps proving it all.

Well; that’s enough for now.

Ok….now that I finished writing this…GOOD NEWS…I’m on the 24 hour fast with 23 hours in so I get to go to the kitchen, cook and make sure I’m prepped for the 4 meals in one!

I’m starting it off and breaking fast with the Medical Medium heavy metal detox shake. It’ll have some bananas which aren’t recommended but I’ll do some air squats afterwards to balance any glucose spike.

Back to it!

(Oh and I rinsed the arugula very well with drinking water)